Living In Black

Monday, August 08, 2005

Actually, I'm supposed to be studying until I came online and saw Weny's tag. Due to the fact that I'm a superbly obedient individual, I've decided to blog for my darling. (Hahaha... You can tell it's an excuse to escape my books eh?)

Well, frankly, Stanley and I are fine. SO fine, we have almost nothing to blog about. I don't think you guys wanna hear any mushy details right... Anyway, almost is because I want to remind you all darlings that WE HAVE A CHALET ON THE END OF THIS MONTH! (you can see the details below) Please please please make yourselves free. It's Stanley's 25th birthday and my 21st. It means a lot to me. I wanna take lots and lots of photos! Hehehe. Presents are secondary but nobody buy me perfume okie? I know my scent le. Thank you very much. =P

Attire is entirely up to individual. (If you wanna come as a drag queen, who's stopping you?)

Now that I'm done with the formalities, let's start up the chit chats...

Has anyone wondered what true beauty is? I have. All the time. Way before any Dove commercial.

Socially, in most Asian context, beauty is fair skin, big eyes, petite and slender body frame. I admit that I was once a sucker in following this expectation religiously. But who wasn't? At one time or another? Until recently I perhaps have changed my mind (a little).

Time has proven to me that what's on the exterior of a person alone, will fade, change, and deteriorate. There's this example I'd like to share.

This someone I know personally, just three years ago, was so very pretty, petite and never failed to turn heads. She was a very successful salesperson, had a loving rich boyfriend, endless lists of contacts of all sorts of industries and a good school results to back her up. She seemed like the IT girl every guy wanted to own and every girl aspired to be. Even I, had the secret wish to be somehow like her. However, she had this fatal flaw only those close enough to her would know. She was never satisfied.

To her, her hair was always not straight enough, (it was very fashionable at the time), her tiny body not slim enough, her smiling eyes were too small, etc... Those were only some of the flaws she constantly berated, day in day out. As a friend, I sort of turned deaf towards this and would just nod my head in agreement. (Often this infuriates her.)

What was worse was that she pacified her own insecurities by degrading other people. A normal conversation would go : -

'Perfect girl': "Look at that girl, what is she even thinking about?"

Me: "Huh? Which girl?"

'Perfect girl': "That girl lo, the one wearing the short mini skirt..."

Me: "Erm, why leh?"

'Perfect girl': "Her calves are SO fat! It's like pig thighs and she still wear until lidat!"

Me (glancing at my own flabby under-exercised thunder thighs): "Orh... Is it?"

Me, now laughing nervously: "Maybe she thinks they're fine."

Due to the fact that I regarded her as a good friend during poly years, I was under a lot of stress to look good physically. However, after some time, I heard a lot of spiteful things she said about me behind my back and decided it was probably not worth having such a 'friend' after all.

Many times I think about her, I just feel sad. I feel that underneath this showy exterior, there's this sweet little girl who just needs some reassurance... There isn't any resentment towards her though. I guess that sometimes, some people just need to find faults in other people to fill in on their own insecurities. It's probably the way the world works.

I met her some time ago. She's certainly changed. Her face's become much harsher, lined with her bitter thoughts and has since lost its gentle beauty, so thin she looks severely malnutritioned and her hair damaged by the endless rebonding. Also, she's become immensely materialistic. To the point where she's oblivious to the weird looks I give her when she tells me what 'qualities' (e.g. must own at least a sports car and he must work @ shenton way?!?!) she's looking for in a future boyfriend. She broke up with the other one 'cause he just wasn't good enough.

Sounds tragic, doesn't it? But it's true. If you're mean and constantly think unhappy thoughts about yourself and others, it'll show on your face sooner or later, no matter what you creams you apply...

The way I see it, she lost it all... I am much happier, even with my thunder thighs. Sadness and sour heartache is the only feeling as I am writing this. Now, we're now on a 'hi and bye' basis.

After you guys read this, what do you think is real beauty?

In all, I think that being happy with yourself and showing kindness to all those around you brings joy to yourself and in turn makes you truly beautiful.

Posted by Stanley @ 6:01 PM