Living In Black

Tuesday, October 26, 2004

Nothing to blog actually, but for those who had been worried about me recently. Hey, don't ok~! I'm way much Much MUCH alive & kicking then ever ya. You guys think too much le... Well, here's an old song again for you peeps. Err... It's from Alex Toh again~! Hmmm... Wonder why now then I find it so nice & meaningful. "^_^Haha~! Anyway, here's the lyrics...

Posted by Stanley @ 5:01 PM

Sunday, October 24, 2004

Recently a friend of mine, Desmond, stunned me with a question. "If you have only S$1000/- savings, would you buy a S$800/- plus present, which she likes a lot, for the person you love~?" The initial answer that pop up in my mind was a straight forward "YES", however, the answer that came out of my mouth wasn't really the same...

"It really depends... If it's for the sake of a LV bag or something not really that important, I won't buy it. I rather used that kinda money to do something else much important for her. However, if she really likes that bag or something, I'll work hard to save that money and then buy the bag for her." came my answer... Then Desmond shocked me with, "And you said you loved her dearly...?"

Had you ever disputed with yourself on how would you love someone~? At times I do, I really do... Do you love someone dearly with everything you have or can, or should you love someone the right way~? So which is which then~? One thing for sure, YOU have to make that choice. Only thing is... Will you regret that choice~? I personally had learnt from experience that, this kinda things really depends... So what about you~?

When you love someone, you would tend to be caution for her well being. Am I right to say that~? And when you love someone, all you ever wanted is that she'll be happy... Am I right once again~? What if, there comes a point where you could only choose one out the 2~? And the choice that you make, will cross out the other~? What will your choice be then~?

Sounds confusing~? Let me see... I shall give you one extreme example, to exaggerate a little in order to give a better picture. Let's just say. If the person you loved had this hyper stress thingy, the only way that she can overcome that is to live in the world of illusion, a world without pain & stuff... As you know, such world don't exist. Thus in order to reach that world, you'll need something call DRUGS... Drugs are like slow deadly poisons, and you know it. The more that she takes, it'll only kill him/her slowly~! You won't want him/her to die slowly, you won't want him/her to suffer too~! So what is it gonna be~? Which would you want her to do~? He/She wants that drug, will you give it to him/her~?

This scenario is a little too extreme, but I guess you somehow gets the picture already. Do you agreed that at times, you find yourself on the spot where you don't know what's the right thing to choose...? Should one just love someone dearly, or should one love someone right~? If you have to do something for your loved one's own good, but it'll upset him/her, will you still do it~? Remember this, the choice is yours... You make that choice, so don't regret over that...

Posted by Stanley @ 7:19 PM

Saturday, October 23, 2004

Hello peeps~! I guessed the "Love Is In The Air" feeling after reading the rest of my friends' blogs had just gotten onto me, in a delayed effect way I guessed. I think for the next few topics that I'll be blogging about, will also be things that gotta do with LOVE one... *smile*

Long long time ago, I had always been asking myself, "What am I doing here in this world~?", and "Why am I here, yet I have got to leave again~?" I guessed from time to time, you peeps will also have this question in mind, isn't it~? It's a hard question which will be answered differently at different timing and mood. So end of the day, the BIG question is... "What's the REAL reason that you're born here~?"

This question had been popping in my mind since I was a little boy. I might have change from a "boy" to a "teenage", and eventually to a "semi-adult", with my thoughts & views changing at every stage, but my answer to this BIG question never seems to change. I believed that I'm here for a few reasons.

[1] To guide those people who had lost their way. Which explains why I'm born friendly & approachable, so as to let troubled people come to me naturally... Not only that, I'm also determine to get things done with my best efforts. Thus I'll always try my best to help.

[2] To make people around me happy. With my "hardware-wired" joker ability, it's not really that difficult to see smiling faces wherever I go. This is why friends tend to tag me with "Happy Go Lucky", where at times they forgot that I'm that Mr. Serious who has got that determination & discipline to get things done.

[3] Most importantly, I'm here to take care of some people. I believed that other than my parents, there's still another person that I have to take care of. Although I still don't know who that person is, but I had always named her as "The One". She might be someone whom I had yet to meet, then again, she might have already appeared in my life. She will be the person whom I'll be taking care of mostly during my time here... There will be a lot thick & thin that we have to go thru together. Which in the end, all the things that was named above about me comes into the picture. During times where things turn out rather bad in rough times, the jokily me will come into the picture and ease off the sadness. While the Mr. Serious will try to solve out the difficulty.

Now that I've said mine, do you too know what's yours~? It's not necessary to really know what's yours actually, but it's always good to have a vision like this at times. Because that'll somehow guide you towards your goals, and also discipline you from time to time. Most importantly, it'll gives you strength and also hope in life. Remember this, "Never Stop Dreaming, Hoping & Loving... Because if you do, you'll find life meaningless." So peeps, do Dream, Hope & Love HARD~! With Best Wishes...

Posted by Stanley @ 1:12 PM

Saturday, October 16, 2004

What do you think if I were to ask you to walk aimlessly the whole day with a friend (say, me~?), and at the same time chatting about anything~? Most probably you'll think I'm crazy right~? Well, it seems to be so... But, such incident can happen to you and yet you'll enjoy it to the extreme. Hard to believe eh...?!! *smile*

Now change the situation where the accompany that you have isn't just a normal friend, but someone whom you like, or even love dearly... Arh... Now that I can see you starting to nod your head I guess you know where I'm going huh~? Don't you have to agree with me now~?

See, things can be so different when that special someone is accompanying you. Believe me that magically, time will fly past you so fast that you don't even really noticed that you 2 had been together for hours. The funny thing is that, you can be just walking & walking non-stop, without having any clue on where you 2 will be heading to. At the same time, you'll also be talking & talking, mainly nothing important in particular. Yet on top of all that, you had enjoyed the whole day with him/her...

So have you even encounter such magic before~? I believed you had, thus congrats to you. You had been in love for once in your lifetime, at least it's near to falling in love... Well, for those who had never encounter before, don't be dishearten as I believed that you'll have such feeling soon. On the bright side, you still have the chance to fully enjoy such events when it comes...

Now, some of you may have this question in mind that you wanna ask me... What if such magic ever happen to you in the beginning of your relationship with your partner, but it seems to disappear as time goes by...? Does that mean anything~? Does that mean that you & your partner are not appreciative of each other's accompany anymore~? Are both of you not as loving as before~? Well for that my friend, I shall not comment or answer... I leave that answer to you to answer for yourself.

However remember this, Life Is Short. Yesterday is gone and will never be coming back, Tomorrow is the day that you might not even have the chance to see or enjoy. Thus live to the best you can Today~! Treasure everything you have now, if you can't have it all, try having some at least. At least you had tried, and you'll never ever regret... With Best Wishes to you all, Stay Healthy, Be Happy & Be Loved~!

Specially For You, "Juliet"

Posted by Stanley @ 5:21 PM

Friday, October 08, 2004

My Ticket To The "D & D"

It's the 1st time I had ever been to a Dinner & Dance~? It's rather kinda exciting for me. How is it gonna be like, I wonder... Well, I only have to pay S$30/- for the event. It's at the Mandarin Ballroom of Meritus Mandarin Hotel. I had met up with Desmond to go together with his family & friends. Although the time stated that we should be there by 1840hrs, we only reach after 1900hrs plus. Yet, we're not late at all. ^_^Hee~! I got to join his table too, as his table got 2 extra seats. There are a lot of things to do at the registration counter. Tons of people were there to chat, take photos and stuff. Not forgetting taking drinks and even FREE popcorn. Lame right~? There got people take free makeover photo shoots, and also free portrait drawings. Oh, not forgetting these 2 sexy models there taking photo sessions with the guests. But too bad, I didn't do any of the above.

Do We Look Smart~? ^_^Hee~!

The dishes wasn't really that fantastic. In fact, the standard a bit not good to be exact. But still edible though. ^_^Heez~! A lot of programs was planned throughout the dinner. Got classic singing, skit roll play (Quite Funny), and 3 different sets of lucky draw with prizes like X-Box, Play Station & TV set and even Hi-Fi sets. The top 3 grand draws are the power ones, free trips to Phunket, cruise and even NEW ZEALAND~! Power right~?!! There's this performance by "Kumar" (Dunno if I got the name right~?), am I impressed~!?! He can really talk man. His jokes and all are damn funny~! But most of them gotta do with sex one. I really laugh until got tears man. In short, he's GOOD~!

Me With Alvin & Adeline

Overall, I had enjoyed quite a lot yesterday's event. Took a lot of photos with friends there. But I only get to feel more lonely as times goes by. How I wish she is there with me... Seeing most of the people there wearing couple wear, holding hands and taking photos makes me feel rather bad. Especially the makeover photos, it was stated that "single or COUPLES shot only"~! *sigh*

That's Mavis, Richard & Waty

I didn't even dare ask her to come at all, only because I'm so afraid to hear her rejection. Thus I just keep quiet about it. Honestly, I really regret that. I should have at least try huh~? Haiz... Too late~! Shall wait for another chance to pop by then. Only this time , I'll definitely give it a try... Wish me luck ya~! *WiNkZ*

Posted by Stanley @ 4:09 PM

Saturday, October 02, 2004

Have you ever felt like this before~? I believed most of you had... It's irritating to have such kinda agony. It confused you. Making you regretful of whatever you do. Either way you do it, you'll still feel troubled. Thus end of the day, you'll only have severe headaches...

That's exactly what I'm facing now. There are times where I felt that I should do the right thing, but my ego will retaliate. But if I were to follow my ego's way, my conscience will stop me. This battle that has been fighting within me for years, never will they stop, so I'm more or less used to it already.

Things become different when such war involves feelings, as in love. Now the war involves 3 party; My Ego, My Conscience & My Feelings. It's getting out of control now. I no longer knows what's right or wrong anymore~! I don't feel right too. Anyone who can help me~? I'll tell you what happen...

There's this gal that I like, I shall code-name her as "Juliet" so as to not disclose her identity, because she most probably will be reading this too. *ops* Anyway, I doubt she'll find out it's her also. ^_^Haha~! Ok ok, back to the main topic. The problem is that, she has a boyfriend whom they had been seeing each other for months. Before I continue from here, I wish to state one IMPORTANT fact, and that is I have NO intention to split this couple up at all~! Believe it or not, that'll be my stand~!

Juliet plays a very important role in my life, ever since she appeared in my life. She's the next important person I care for other than my family. She can heal my wounds. She had given me strength, makes me noble. She even makes me want to be a better person. I begin to fall for her even deeper. And that's the problem~! I could no longer keep it in me already, especially when I started to blur out some things which I shouldn't have. Behaved funny, or blush when she's around.

Suppression of my feelings for her becomes harder each day. Days & Nights which I missed her, I dare not even tell her, which I don't think it's right for me to tell her too... I would just normally send her a SMS, hoping that she'll reply or send me one back too. Or even better still, I'll call her... But that can really back-fire myself back at times, especially when she's with her BF. A simple forwarded msg from her, would be enough to make me smiling all through the day. Can you imagine how I'll jump if she were to call to talk to me, or ask me out~? *smile* That'll the nicest thing that can happen to me now.

Telling her the whole truth would means I lighten the burden that I've been carrying on me, but that'll means she'll have to carry part of the burden too. I won't want to stress on her, neither do I want her to feel stress. What's worse is that, if my confession wasn't handle properly, that'll make me lost her completely too, not even will she want to keep me as a friend anymore for breaching the trust she had in me as a friend. Will she~? What do you think~?

So what should I do~? Can you peeps give some advice to guide me along~? The best solution that I can come out so far is, try to treat her as a normal friend. I even tried it liao in fact, but it kinda rebound back more worse... Distance away from her would make me go crazy and lost hope in everything. I'll go back to depression state, I can foresee in that. Try ways and means to win her heart would means that I'm turning EVIL. I had never believed in breaking couples up, retribution will come back some day, some how. Be it I follow the way of My Ego, My Conscience or My Feelings, the other 2 would go against it~!

But don't need to worry much for me ya, cos I believe that TIME & FATE will sort things out for me. I'm just trying ways to throw things out in me, so that I can feel SO MUCH better now. *phew* That really works... Especially when she got to read this, I'm telling her indirectly already. Isn't it~? Sorry for all the nagging~! "^_^Hee~! But hey, if you really have a good solution, do tell me ya~! Thankz~!

Posted by Stanley @ 1:38 PM